


i'm gonna love you for a long time

by mrsonmyr



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: 13 Going on 30 AU, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Angst, Future Fic, Kissing, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-02-24 17:09:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21641479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrsonmyr/pseuds/mrsonmyr
Summary: It was Adam Parrish’s 18th birthday and everyone was busy.or a 13 going on 30 AU but no one is 13
Relationships: Richard Gansey III/Blue Sargent, Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Comments: 22
Kudos: 73





	1. Chapter 1

It was Adam Parrish’s 18th birthday and everyone was busy. His father was out, presumably drinking, and his mother hadn’t made him a birthday cake since he turned 12. She did say  _ happy birthday _ when she saw him pouring a bowl of cereal in the morning but then she left for her book club. Gansey was away on a family vacation but promised Adam he would phone him and they would celebrate when he returned. Blue, much like Adam, worked multiple jobs and without school taking up most of her time she was able to work full time throughout the summer. Noah was always hard to track down, especially since Adam didn’t have a cell phone, he sometimes was at Monmouth, sometimes he disappeared for a few hours only to return with a scoop of gelato. Ronan was probably at the Barns. Their friendship — slowly budding relationship — had taken its blows before they realized that they did in fact like each other and that lead to a few months of a cat and mouse chase of  _ will they won’t they?  _ They still weren’t sure what they were. They spent a lot of time together alone, and when they were with the gang Adam could always catch Ronan looking his way. Adam  _ could  _ see if Ronan was available to celebrate his birthday with, they could ride around in Ronan’s car, Adam could buy them lotto tickets or a porno magazine — Ronan would probably want him to buy fireworks. 

The problem with Adam Parrish is that he didn’t have a cell phone or a car, it would be so much easier if he had just one to see where Ronan was and if he wanted to hang. Boyd offered him the day off to celebrate his birthday but he decided since everyone was busy he would work it. He could see if Ronan or Blue or even Noah was home in the evening. He packed his sandwich and enough money to buy a bag of chips or a pop at the work vending machine and got on his bike. He needed to put some air in the tires which he could do when he got to work. 

Everyone was surprisingly nice to him today. Not that any other day they’d be rude, but today they were  _ friendly.  _ Wishing him a happy birthday, asking what his plans for the weekend were, even offered to run across the street a buy a donut for him. On his break he saw in the back room a donut with a few candles shoved in it and a lighter next to it. Adam lit the candles and made a wish,  _ I wish I was older. I wish I had my life together. I wish I was 30.  _ He blew the candles out with a long gasp of air and then ate the donut in peace. 

It was raining when he finished his shift, he could wait it out or he could bike home and save himself from having to shower. He kicked back his kickstand and hopped on his bike, peddling as fast as he could to get home. His father was home. His beat up truck proudly parked next to the double wide, Adam pushed his bike to the back in case for whatever reason his father went into a drunken rage and ruined his only chance of transportation. He could hear his dad drinking in front of the television when he opened the screen door, his mother was in the kitchen drying dishes. Adam stepped out of his wet shoes and looked over at the phone on the wall — no messages. 

“Did anyone call today?” Adam asked his mom. 

“No.” She told him, not looking up from her plate and rag. 

“I’m going to go to bed. I’ll see you in the morning.” Adam closed his bedroom door and as much as he wanted to he didn’t lock it. The last time he was caught with his door locked Adam ended up with a black eye. He slid his bag under his bed and changed out of his work clothes into a pair of gym shorts that he usually slept in. His bed isn’t comfortable but Adam doesn’t really know what a comfortable bed even feels like. He always has these thoughts at night,  _ when I grow up, I'm going to have a big house with a nice bed and a well paying job.  _ His life felt manageable during the daytime but at night all his fears came out. Can I get out of this town? Will I be bigger than my parents? Will I know my own self worth? 

Adam rolled over and pressed his face into his pillow. Tomorrow’s just another day. Eat, sleep, repeat. Adam fell asleep to the sound of lightning crashing through the air. 

-

The sun woke him up. And some noise but the sun was his first issue. He usually kept his blinds shut so it was quite startling being woken up by the bright rays of the sun. Adam opened his eyes and knew that the sun was no longer his first problem. He wasn’t in his bed, he was in a large,  _ soft _ , bed with silk white sheets and the room he was in was also huge. High ceilings and a giant window with the blinds drawn to let in the morning light. Where was he? Adam’s next thought was to stop whatever that noise was. It sounded like a power tool, who was drilling at 8 am? He got out of bed and walked towards the noise. It lead him out of the bedroom he was in and towards what must be the bathroom. The light was on and the door was open and when he got to it he screamed. The woman inside — wrapped in a white fluffy towel, and blow drying her hair — also screamed, but not so much at Adam’s presence but at  _ his  _ screaming. 

“Jesus, Adam! Don’t scare me like that!” She turned the blow dryer off and set it down on the marble countertop, her towel that was wrapped around her slipping a bit and Adam jerked his eyes away so he wouldn’t see anything. She clearly noticed his erratic movement and couldn’t help but smile. “What’s with you this morning?” 

“Where am I?” He asked, his Henrietta accent gone. 

The woman continued to blow dry her hair and avoided to answer Adam’s question. “Who are you?” He said loudly to cut through the noise of the dryer. 

She playfully rolled her eyes and bit her lip. “Jamie Ferguson, I’m 5’9”, 27 years old, modelling for IMG in New York City, Milan, London. Oh and I’m engaged to a  _ devilishly  _ handsome man.” Her fingers crawled up Adam’s bare chest and her thumb rubbed over his bottom lip. “Does that answer your question?” 

“Not really.” Adam took a step back and went back to his safe space in the bedroom. He passed by a hall mirror and stopped to look at himself. He was taller, his arms had more muscles, he was still scattered with freckles but he was tan all over. His haircut was neat and it looked like he needed to shave. What was going on? 

“Adam!” She called for him following him into the room. She had changed into a bra and panties and sat on the bed, crawling up to meet Adam. “What’s going on? Are you okay?” She ran her hand through his hair, it was strangely comforting. 

“I’m just feeling confused.” 

“Did you drink too much last night? You got in kind of late.” She rested her chin on his shoulder. 

“I don’t drink.” 

“You don’t have to lie to me. I know you were out drinking with  _ the boys _ .” She kissed his shoulder and got out of bed. “Remember we have that dinner with Gansey tonight, don’t work too late.” 

Gansey? How did she know Gansey? Adam needed to find a way to talk to him, he would be able to explain this entire thing. He saw a cell phone sitting on the nightstand and called Gansey’s number. 

“Pick up, pick up.” He mumbled into the phone. The call ended short when an automatic voice told him that this number was no longer in service. Adam pressed the home button of the phone down and it unlocked using the Touch ID.  _ So this is my phone, _ Adam thought. He went to his contacts and found Gansey, this time he answered. 

“Hey, Adam. I’ve got a coffee with your name on it. Where are you?”

“Gansey, thank god. I don’t know where I am.” Adam said in a panic. 

“What do you mean? Did you not go home last night?”

“I don’t know where I am but I am  _ not _ at home. I’m in some nice apartment and there was some woman here. I’m so confused.” 

“Adam,” Gansey laughed into the phone, “no need to brag. I’m outside waiting, get down here.” 

Gansey ended the call and Adam scurried over to a window and he saw Richard Gansey III in his yellow polo waiting by a car. Adam threw on a shirt that was at the end of the bed and grabbed whatever pants he could find and ran out the door. Once he saw Gansey in the street he ran into his arms. 

“God, good morning to you. Here, take a coffee.” 

Adam took Gansey in. Same polo, same boat shoes and expensive chinos. He looked the same but he looked older. 

“Gansey, you’re  _ old.”  _ Adam said when Gansey forced the coffee cup into his hand. 

“Adam, I’m two months older than you. I wouldn’t describe me as old. What’s with you?” Gansey took a sip of his coffee and Adam noticed the gold band on his finger. 

“You’re married?” Adam asked. 

“Yes. Two years now. You were there.” Gansey finally looked down and noticed Adam’s thrown together look. “Are you seriously going to wear that into the office? We’ve got a big meeting today. Go change, we’ve got time.” 

“Gansey, I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t live here. These aren’t my clothes. I don’t even know where I am.” 

“I have a jacket in the car. Would you at least put that on?” He asked as he opened the black sedan door and ushered Adam inside. Once inside Adam rolled down the car window and breathed in the fresh air, the driver made eyes with Gansey and he shrugged. “He had a rough night. But you’ll be alright, won’t you Adam?”

“Huh?” Adam asked when he was snapped back into the conversation. He noticed the driver looking at him through the rear view mirror and all Adam could do was nod his head. “What city is this?” He whispered to Gansey. 

“Seriously, did you hit your head? Adam, we’re in New York. We’re going to work at our company  _ Robobee _ . You’re making a big announcement today involving the investors, so please, whatever this is, you need to stop it. It’s scaring me.”

Adam rolled the window up which seemed to slightly ease Gansey. As they drove past the tall buildings in Manhattan Adam could hardly believe he was there. He’d never left Henrietta before and now he was a New Yorker. With a job. And a very big and probably very expensive apartment. Adam’s stomach began to knot. 

“What is this dinner tonight?” He asked to ease the tension. 

Gansey rolled his eyes with a smile, “my sisters throwing it. It’s the gender reveal party.”

“Blue’s pregnant?” Adam asked in a shocked tone that also said  _ Blue would allow you to throw a gender reveal party? _

Gansey’s slight smile quickly faded and his eyes behind his wire frame glasses looked like they were about to tear up. “No.” He said. “We’re adopting.” The look on Gansey’s face made Adam wish he was back in that apartment with that women just so he didn’t have to experience the twist of sadness on his best friends face. “Are you sure you’re okay, Adam?” 

They looked at each other. Adam’s eyes were a mystery. No, he wasn’t okay, but he must have done  _ something _ okay that lead him to this moment. Being driven to work by a private driver instead of biking two miles. 

“Yeah, I’m okay. Let’s talk to these investors.” He said as the sedan pulled up to the side of the curb. 

“Would you please put on the jacket? You’re wearing pyjamas.” Gansey asked again as they got out of the car. Adam slipped Gansey’s crips black jacket on as Gansey held open the heavy glass door of Robobee for Adam. 


	2. Chapter 2

Adam had never envisioned that  _ this _ would be his job. He always dreamed of going to a suitable college, maybe he could swing his way to an ivy league school, but he always thought worst case he’d be still working for Boyd fixing up cars. People fluttered past him in the hall, loud music was playing and he could hear lots of laughter. What the hell did he even do for a living? 

“Gansey, what’s going on?” He asked as he took in the office. Some people sat in bean-bag chairs working on tablets, others were sitting on couches deep in conversation, this was not Adam’s standards of an  _ office job. _

“Henry had this  _ brilliant _ idea to sell a percentage of the company to people who are doing groundbreaking tech research in Japan. So you will be meeting with the investors and getting the deal done. You’re Adam Parrish, you’ve done this thousands of times, you can do this.” Gasney was holding his shoulders like he was giving him a pep talk. Adam didn’t need a pep talk, he needed to be back in Henrietta. 

“I can’t do this. I think I’m going to be sick.” He looked at Gansey with pleading eyes. 

“Why don’t you go to your office and I’ll have Daniel bring you a tea. We can go over the presentation and you’ll be fine.” Gansey patted his shoulder and turned to find whoever Daniel was. Adam turned around and looked for any indication of where his office was. 

“Mr. Parrish?” A small woman snuck up on him and Adam jumped. “Oh, so sorry sir. I just wanted to give you your messages. And Jamie called, she has a fitting so she will be late for the dinner but she wants you to know that she will be there.” 

“What are these?” Adam asked as he was handed a few cards. He shuffled through them and recognized his parents names. 

“Your parents called again. You mom said something about how they need to fix the roof on the trailer and they’d appreciate it if you could help them out.” She couldn’t look at Adam when she relayed the message. 

“Why are my parents contacting me? Do I give them money?” 

She shook her head. “No, you just like to know when they call you. You never call them back or send money.” So this was who Adam Parrish was, he liked to know when he was needed and wanted. He never wanted to help them, and he doesn’t. He just watches them from his castle. God, he needs to see a therapist. 

“Um, could you do me a favour? Don’t tell me anymore when they call. I just, that’s too much. You know? Now that I’m successful they want me? I’m sorry if this sounds mean but I -”

“Mr. Parrish, before you wanted to know when they needed you and then ignore them.” She sounded hurt, like she had her own kids that played this cruel game. 

“I’m sorry. Just don’t tell me anymore when they call.”

“Yes sir.”

Adam started off down the hallway and then stopped. “Which way is my office?” 

“This way, sir.” She lead him down the opposite hallway. “Are you alright?”

Instead of answering Adam stopped outside of what must be his office. Windowed doors revealed the large office, with a candy machine, a foosball table, and a large desk that had a large picture frame on it. He opened the door and went to look at it, it was a photo of him and Jamie, she was on his lap and giggling. He immediately wanted to change the photo to one of his friends, now that he thinks of it he doesn’t even know if he has a photo of himself and his friends. 

“Is there anything else I can do for you, Mr Parrish?” 

“No, no that’s okay. Thank you.” He said, still taking in his office. “Oh, what is your name?” He asked as he looked up at her. 

“Catherine.” 

“Thank you, Catherine. You can call me Adam. I never really liked my last name.” He smiles easy at her. 

“You’re welcome, Adam.” Catherine closed the door on her way out. 

Finally he had a moment to breath. Adam put his head in his hands and let out a sigh. The buzz from the hallway could be heard but he could finally hear his own thoughts again. How could this all happen? The last thing he remembers was summer in Henrietta, it couldn’t have been the birthday donut. Could it? He shook his head and looked up from his hands and saw the photograph of Jamie again. He turned it down so it wouldn’t stress him out anymore than he already was. How could he be engaged and not know anything about her? How could he be engaged to someone other than —  _ Ronan.  _ Adam’s eyes bolted opened and he reached for his phone, searching for Ronan’s number. He would help him, he would get it. The only problem was there was no  _ Ronan Lynch  _ in his contacts, maybe he really did get rid of his phone that he never used. Of course Ronan would be traceless, he’d need to ask Gansey about it when he saw him again. The phone on his desk started to ring and he reached to answer it. 

“Yes?”

“Mr. Parrish — Adam. I have Mr. Cheng on line one.” Catherine said into the phone. 

“Adam! My man! How excited are you for this meeting?” Henry’s eager voice beamed through the phone. 

“About that, Henry, I don’t think I’m fit to do that. I’m really not feeling well. Maybe Gansey should?” 

“Adam, you’re my guy. You’re the only one who could nail this. Besides, you’ve done it hundreds of times before. I trust you.” Henry’s voice was soothing but he did not help calm Adam. 

“Henry, please. I’m begging you, I can’t do this.”

“Parrish, you’re the CFO of my company. I need you to do this. Easy peasy, you’ll be done in no time. If you want I can join you.”

“Yes!” Adam yelled before Henry could even get his idea out. 

“Alright! Tag teaming it! Henry and Adam.” 

“Hey, are you going to that dinner tonight? With Gansey?” 

“Way to remind me I’m a terrible best friend. I have a company thing in LA. I have to fly out this afternoon, but Blue promised she would send me a video of the reveal so I get to be surprised.” 

“So Robobee is a big company, huh?” Adam asked as he reclined into his office chair. 

“Oh, Adam. You absolute gem. Hey, I’ll meet you in the boardroom in ten.” He hung up the phone and Adam breathed a sigh of relief. At least Henry could salvage this meeting. 

Adam opened his desk drawer and pulled out some files to try to get a better understanding of what he did here. He found a newspaper cut out of the New York Times that said  _ Robobee tech company earning 47 mil last year.  _ Adam, who was once unknown, is now CFO of a multimillion dollar company.  _ Holy shit.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

Henry was already in the boardroom waiting. Adam went down the wrong hallway and then had to get in the elevator to get to the boardroom. Then a janitor had to show him to the room. It wasn’t his fault, he’s never been there before. 

“Adam. There’s no time, the investors will be here in five, just give them your best offer. They  _ want  _ this, you can’t mess it up. Gansey messaged me and said you were a bit off today. Late night?” He raised his eyebrows in a manner than Adam didn’t care for. 

“No, I just. I’m not really feeling like  _ myself.  _ I don’t even know what the best offer is. Honestly, Henry, you’d be better off if I didn’t do this.” 

“The best offer is 12%. You got this.  _ I  _ believe in you.” As Henry said his last words of encouragement the boardroom door opened and in came what could only be the dreaded investors. All men in expensive looking business suits that looked too old to be doing this job. Adam felt like he was about to pass out. He sat down in the closest chair as Henry stood and shook their hands. 

“You’ll have to forgive my partner, Mr. Parrish, he’s a bit ill.” Henry tried to laugh off Adam’s odd behaviour. 

Once they were all sitting around the large table they all looked to Adam, it was his meeting after all. They looked smug, like they could tell he was actually an 18 year old boy whos never had more than a thousand dollars to his name. Instead he was a 30 year old man whose face was starting to itch from not shaving this morning. Adam swallowed and thought of the only person he knew that would be able to swing something like this; Declan Lynch. He stood and tugged at the lapels of Gansey’s jacket that he was wearing and cleared his throat. 

“Here’s the situation,” his voice had a slight tremble, “we’re only offering 12%. What will it take to close this deal?” 

“We’ll want to open a West coast office. To stop this back and forth business.” One of the men said. 

“Which is what I’m working on. I’m flying out today to start that process.” Henry jumped in. 

“I was told 14%” one of the men challenged Adam. 

“No,” he said confidently, “12. End of the deal. Take it or leave it.” 

They shook on 12 and after they left Henry clapped his hand on Adam’s shoulder like a father would when his son threw a perfect pitch. Adam felt proud, he felt powerful, he finally understood why Declan acted that way.  _ Lynch.  _ His brain jumped back to Ronan.

“I need to go find Gansey.” Adam told Henry and ran for the door. 

“He’s out on a lunch meeting.”

Adam bolted down the hall and found his way back to the elevator. He ran to his office, grabbed his phone, and told Catherine he was going out. He needed to get back to the apartment, as he pushed open the front doors to the building he realized he didn’t even know his address. Looking through his phone he found Catherine’s number and asked her to call him a cab to his apartment. He was cautious when he let himself in, he didn’t want to run into Jamie again. Thankfully the place was empty and it much better shape than when he left it this morning. The bed was made, new pyjamas were laid out because he wore his to work. He snooped around and tried to find any trace from his past life, he looked through drawers, cupboards, his laptop that sat next to the bed. Nothing. There weren’t even any photographs of his friends on the walls, just large pieces of art that didn’t make any sense. 

Sadly he couldn’t find anything about Ronan. Adam sunk into the bed and wanted to cry. If being 30 meant he had no connection to his past life he didn’t want this. The itching on his face was finally getting too much and he got up out of his incredibly soft bed and went to find a razor. Of course his bathroom was immaculate, marble tile, bright lights, his and her sinks. Adam hated this. He saw a razor that must be his and shaved his stubble. In the mirror he could see a large jacuzzi tub, he couldn’t remember the last time he took a bath. Maybe when he was a baby. He decided to run the bath and soak, which did in fact help ease his stress and the tension in his shoulders. He leaned his head back and shut his eyes, the first time today he felt almost stress free. Until he heard a ringing from the other room. His cell phone. He peeled his eyes open and climbed out of the tub to retrieve it. His first thought was to hang up to stop the incessant ringing but then he decided to answer it — he needed as many clues as he could get. 

“Yes?” 

“Mr. Parrish, this is your driver. I will be picking you up tonight at seven o’clock and taking you to Chez Toré.”

“Oh, for the dinner with Blue and Gansey?” 

“Yes sir.”

“Cool. Um, thanks. I guess I’ll see you then.” 

“My pleasure, Mr. Parrish.”

-

“Good to see you again, Mr. Parrish.” The driver said as Adam slid into the back seat. 

“Please, you can call me Adam. I don’t know why everyone has been calling me Mr. Parrish. It makes me sound old.” His driver laughed as he flashes his signal and pulled back into the city traffic. “What’s your name, I didn’t catch it.”

“Eric, sir.” He looked back at him through the rear view. 

“Hi Eric. Do you drive me around a lot?” 

“Yes, sir.” 

“I’m sorry I didn’t remember your name. I’m just not in the right state of mind.”

“That’s alright, Adam. Most people don’t bother to get my name.” 

Adam arrived at the restaurant on time and was led by the hostess to the private room where the party was being held. He immediately recognized Mr and Mrs. Gansey in the corner talking to Blue’s mother. Helen was chatting with young women he didn’t recognize and looked for Gansey. 

“Finally you’re here. If I have to hear one more Manhattan mom ask me if I will miss the  _ connection  _ of  _ childbirth _ I’m going to rip my hair out.” He heard the most familiar voice of all and spun around and grabbed Blue. “Woah, Adam.” She said as she was pressed tight into his chest. “You okay?”

“Blue, I don’t know what happened. I’m, I’m 30. You’re 30, what’s going on? Why aren’t we in Henrietta?” He said into her hair. Blue rubbed a comforting hand up and down his back. 

“Adam, maybe you should sit down. What’s going on?” She said as she pushed away from his chest to look up at his worried face. 

“Yesterday I was 18. Today I woke up in an apartment I’ve never seen before. And a woman was there, and I have a job! I don’t know what’s happening.” 

“Have you been smoking pot?” She asked bluntly. 

“What? No. Blue, you have to believe me. I don’t know where I am.”

“You’re at my stupid gender reveal party. Can you just please act like you’re not high for the night and we can deal with this later? If something upstages Helen’s party I will never hear the end of it. Please, Adam, for me?” 

“Promise you’ll help me.” She nodded. 

“Go have a seat, I’ll bring you some water. Just relax.” She pulled out a chair at the table and whisked away to fetch him some water. As Adam leaned his head on the table he saw someone enter the private room. He blinked once, twice. As he entered the party he looked around for a familiar face and gave a look of irritation to the people that were obviously invited because of Helen and not Blue or Gansey. Almost like his two worlds were colliding; Jamie was the next to enter the party. She had a glow to her, she immediately brightened the room that was once dark. 

“Adam!” She waved as she spotted him sitting at the table. As soon as his name was said Adam saw the other man turn his head and look his way. 

“Ronan?” Adam asked as he stood from the table. 

“Oh Jesus.” Ronan said under his breath as Adam approached him. He still looked like the Ronan he remembered; dressed in all black, sharp features, still incredibly handsome. 

“Oh, my God. Look at you! You have hair!” 

Ronan ran his hand through his short, dark curls — like he still wasn’t used to it after shaving them for countless years. “Don’t remind me. Sam likes it long, but I can’t fucking stand it in this heat.” 

“Sam?” Adam said as if he was punched in the gut. If his luck couldn’t get any worse, a well dressed man, tall like Ronan, with dirty blonde hair that was well styled, unlike Ronan’s, snuck in and put his arm around Ronan’s waist. 

“Hi, that’s me.” He smiled at Adam. 

“Yeah, Parrish, this is Sam. My partner.” 


	4. Chapter 4

“Ronan,” Adam sounded like he was out of breath, “you're… tall.” 

Ronan gave him a slow nod. “Good to see you, Parrish.” 

“It was my birthday. You weren’t there.” 

Ronan looked at him with his jaw locked.  _ Of course he wasn’t there _ , Ronan thought. He hadn’t seen Adam Parrish for twelve years. “Happy belated. I need a drink.” He said and looked for a waiter or an open bar. 

“Ro, stay and catch up. I’ll get you something.” Sam said and took off. Adam hated that he was so caring but was thankful he was gone. He flashed his eyes over to Jamie who was busy talking to Helen so he knew he had a few minutes alone with Ronan. 

“So, you have a boyfriend.” 

“Yeah. Listen, I should find Gansey.” Ronan said as he scratched the back of his neck. He still wore his leather bands on his wrist. 

“Can we go somewhere and talk? I really need your help. I can’t remember anything, I was 18 and now I’m — we’re 30. I’m engaged.” 

“Engaged.” Ronan echoed his words, it sounded bitter coming from him. 

“Yes! And I don’t even know her! I don’t know what I do for a living, I don’t know how I got here. Please, Ronan. Can we just go and talk somewhere. To catch up?” 

“I don’t know what this is about, Parrish, but you had a lot of time to catch up. I’m here for Blue and Gansey so no, I can’t leave with you to  _ talk  _ about your 18th birthday.” He pushed past Adam to find Sam at the bar. 

“Who was that?” Adam turned to find Jamie holding two glasses of champagne. She handed one to Adam — 18 year old Adam vowed he wouldn’t drink. He didn’t want to risk turning into his father, but 30 year old Adam seems to. He set the glass down on a side table and ran his hand through his hair. 

“That was just an old friend. I haven’t seen him in a while. He’s Gansey’s best friend.” 

“Oh! I remember hearing about him! Roman?” 

“Ronan.” Adam deflated. Ronan looked up from his conversation with Gansey and Sam when he heard his name; he locked eyes with Adam. He looked at his beer, about half left in the glass and chugged it back. 

Adam watched as Ronan made his way through the crowded party to get to Adam, his stern voice saying, “alright. Let’s talk.” 

-

They made their way through the restaurant to sit at the end of the bar. Ronan ordered another beer and looked towards Adam for his order. He shook his head. 

“Ronan, something happened. It was my 18th birthday, I went to sleep, and then I wake up in some apartment I’ve never seen before, at some job I’ve never been before, I’m  _ engaged. _ ” He said in a whisper. 

“Yeah, I heard about that through Gansey. Listen I don’t know what you want from me.”

Adam didn’t know what he wanted from Ronan, except a friend. Had they not stayed friends after high school? He always knew Ronan was cool to the touch but why was he acting this way now?

“Did something happen? Between us?” 

“You tell me, Parrish. You leave for Harvard and that’s it. I hear nothing from you. It’s like once you moved out of Henrietta you were too good for the people in it. All the information I got about you was through Blue and Gansey. You didn’t even talk to me at their wedding.”

“I didn’t? Ronan, you need to understand, that’s not me. I don’t remember any of that.”

“How convenient.” He said as he took a sip of his beer. 

“I just wish I could do this all over again. I don’t even know who I am. Apparently I’m out all night drinking with  _ the boys. _ I taunt my parents with money. I’m going to get married to some model. I mean, who the fuck is that? That’s not Adam Parrish.” 

“Just because you’re unhappy with your life doesn’t mean we all are.” 

Adam looked over at Ronan. He always looked older than he was, maybe because he was made up of sharp lines or the fact that he needed to shave his face constantly. But sitting next to a 30 year old Ronan was too much to handle. His chest was broad, his arms were muscular, and his curls were too much for Adam to deal with. “Tell me about him.”

“Who?”

“Sam.” 

Ronan grinned. “He’s… he’s good for me. He helps look after the barns, he stopped me from going out at night looking for races. We get along.”

“Sounds like you worship him.” Adam teased. Ronan looked up at him, their eye contact felt powerful. Like they could see each other for who they really were. “How’d you meet?” Adam asked to break the tension, he could feel the back of his neck start to sweat. 

“You’re gonna make fun of me.”

“No I won’t!” Adam smiled. 

“At a yoga studio.” Ronan said as he gulped his beer. 

“You? Ronan Lynch does yoga?”

“Blue suggested it a few years ago after I fucked with my back from lifting someone at the barns. He taught a few classes on the weekends. I don’t know, we’ve been together since.” Ronan looked like he was blushing. 

“I’m happy for you. It seems like Gansey really likes him too.” 

“What about you? You’re getting married.”

“I guess so.” Adam scratched at his neck. 

“You’re really not fucking around when you say that you don’t remember shit.” Ronan sat up in the bar stool. 

“I really need help, Ronan. I’m so confused. I don’t know what I did to get me here and to make me not remember. But I’d do it all over again just so I could avoid this. I never wanted to lose our friendship, I hate that we’re 30 and strangers. What the hell? I mean, I thought for my birthday we were…” he trailed off. It was hopeless, he was just forever going to be stuck without the last 12 years. All the decisions he made are now permanently set. 

“So what do we do?” Ronan asked. 

“Huh?” Adam looked up from his lap. 

“How do we fix this? Get you back to 18.”

“You actually want to help me?” Adam sounded shocked. He never thought someone would believe him. 

“There was a time when I would’ve done anything for you, Parrish.”


	5. Chapter 5

Ronan’s phone buzzed in his pocket, he reached to get it, his jeans being a little tight — it was almost a fight. 

“Where’d you go?” Gansey asked on the other end. “We’re about to do it. The godfather needs to be here.” 

“You’re the godfather?” Adam asked quietly. Ronan’s eyes flashed at Adam while he bit his thumb and listened to Gansey ramble. 

“Be right there. Just had to step out for a call from Declan.” He hung up and stood from the bar stool. “Alright, we’ll fix you later. This baby is about to be gendered.” 

-

The party was relatively quiet when Ronan and Adam snuck back in. Helen was thanking everyone for coming and Adam caught Sam looking around the room for Ronan. He slipped up next to him and slung his arm around his shoulder. Adam watched as he whispered something to him. 

“We are really happy that our friends could be here for this. As you know it wasn’t the easiest journey to get here but Gansey and I are really excited about being parents.” Blue said as she looked up at Gansey. He placed his hand on her lower back and smiled down at his wife. 

“And when Helen said she was throwing us this party I was-”

“Hesitant.” Gansey piped up. “We all know that my sister can throw a great party, but this was something that Jane and I wanted to do ourselves. So no big reveal. Just us telling you that it’s-”

“A girl!” Blue shouted as the room erupted in applause and hollering. Adam’s cheeks were hurting from smiling so wide. Looking at two of his best friends, so happy and in love, knowing that they’re going to amazing parents, made his heart so full. If you would have told 18 year old Adam that Blue and Gansey were married and expecting a baby girl, he’d think  _ of course they are, it’s Blue and Gansey. _ Looking over and seeing Ronan and Sam looking at the couple — that’s something Adam never would have guessed. He thought  _ maybe _ he and Ronan would be together in the future, he felt his smile crease at the thought. 

“A baby Blue.” Ronan said as he hugged Gansey and bent down to lift Blue off the ground for her hug. 

“Put me down, ass.” Blue giggled and smacked Ronan’s back. 

“I’ll only put you down if you name her after me.”

“Hell no. You’re already the godfather, what more do you want?”

“Ronan, put her down.” Sam laughed as he stood next Gansey. Ronan let Blue slide down slowly from his arms and she went to hug Sam as a thank you. 

Ronan, with a smile that Adam recognized as one that was only seen when he was spending time alone with him after school, turned to Adam to let him into the small groups circle. He clapped his hand on Adam’s shoulder and pushed him to hug Blue and Gansey. 

“Congratulations, this is so amazing. I mean, I really can’t believe this. We were all just in school.” He stopped as Ronan looked at him with sharp eyes. “I mean, it  _ feels  _ like we all were just teens. And now you’re having a baby. It’s crazy!”

“Time goes by so fast. I’m just so glad that you’re all here for this. It really means a lot to us.” Gansey said as he wrapped his arms around Blue. 

“Wouldn’t miss it.” Ronan said. 

“Please tell me you guys aren’t driving back to Henrietta tonight.” Blue said as she looked at Sam and Ronan. “Stay with us if you don’t have a hotel.”

“Actually we decided to spend the week up here. We’ll see Matthew and Declan and see some sights.” Sam told Blue. 

“Wait, how long will you be here for?” Adam looked at Ronan. He sounded panicked. 

“Just a few days. We’re driving back down on Saturday.” 

“That’s only five days.” Adam looked at Ronan. Sam looked at Ronan now too after picking up on Adam’s nervous tone. 

“Parrish, we’ll have plenty of time to catch up. Put your number in my phone and we can figure out a time to have lunch or something. You can figure it out since you’re the city boy.” Ronan told him as he gave him his phone. 

Adam opened his contacts and typed his name in but when it came time for his phone number he had no idea what it could have been. He’d never had a phone number before this. “I don’t know my number.” He said quietly to Ronan. 

Ronan sighed. “Give me your phone.” He took it from Adam as he pulled it out of his pocket and entered his number. “Pick a day. Sam can do something touristy while you tell me about your life working with Dick.”

-

That night, after he and Jamie took a car back to their place, he sat in bed and thought about what to text Ronan. He could hear Jamie in the bathroom washing her face as he typed. 

_ Hey. it’s Adam. Thank you for helping me.  _

He waited a few minutes for a reply and when he didn’t get one he put his phone on his side table and laid down. It was a long day. Meeting people he hadn’t seen in years, trying to remember names and faces, seeing Ronan. Seeing Ronan with hair — really nice hair. Really curly hair. Seeing Ronan touch Sam, smile at him, kiss the back of his neck. It was all too much to handle. He rolled over when he heard his phone buzz. 

_ don’t make me regret this parrish. _


	6. Chapter 6

Sam watched Roman as he paced back and forth in front of their bed with his phone in hand. Normally, Ronan was not a fan of technology, they didn’t even have a TV at the Barns, so seeing him glued to his phone was a strange sight. He watched him walk into the bathroom and walk out with a fist twisting his curls. 

“Babe, what are you doing?” Sam asked as he reclined against the stuffy hotel pillows. 

Ronan grumbled as he seemed to be typing something. “Just.” He huffed, “trying to reply to Parrish.” 

“Who?”

Ronan finally looked up at his boyfriend sitting on the bed in only his pyjama bottoms. He looked patient compared to how stressed Ronan looked. “Adam.” 

“ _Oh_ , Adam Parrish.” Sam nodded, remembering the twitchy figure from earlier who couldn’t keep his eyes off Ronan. “How do you know him?”

“From Aglionby. We were friends.” Ronan was looking back down at his phone. 

“His girlfriend was nice. Or, I guess fiancé. They’re getting married next June. Ah, to be the illustrious June bride.” Sam grinned at his own joke. “Ro? Are you listening?” Ronan focused on his phone. “Baby?”

“What?” His head snapped up. 

Sam looked him over. He was probably just tired from the drive up and having to be surrounded by so many people tonight. He felt bad for his boyfriend who thrived most around farm animals. 

“Come to bed.” 

Ronan put his phone down beside the television remote and stripped his shirt off, then kicked off his pants and dove onto the hotel bed, making Sam laugh. 

***

Adam selected a small cafe that was near his building to meet Ronan at. He arrived first and ordered two coffees, then sat and waited. They agreed to meet for eleven, and at quarter past he was sure Ronan ditched him. He pulled out his phone to see if he had missed any texts from him when the front door clanged open. They made eye contact immediately and Adam stood to greet him. 

“Ronan! Hi. I ordered you a coffee. I hope that’s okay.” 

Ronan nodded and sat down across from his old friend, pulling off his beanie in the process. “Thanks. Sorry I’m late. Not really used to the city traffic.” 

“That’s fine, I’m just happy you came.” He smiled at him. “I didn’t know how you like your coffee so I just got it black.” 

“Blacks fine. The only way I drink it.” 

Adam took him in, he looked refreshed. His curls were still damp from the shower this morning and he wore a white T-shirt under his black jacket. The first time he’s seen Ronan Lynch in a colour. This didn’t feel like a thirty year old Ronan, there was too much missed time, he couldn’t believe how handsome he was. His jaw was sharper than he’d ever imagined. He looked healthy — like he was finally taking care of himself. Adam felt tired, he knew he looked it. It’s hard to get a good night's sleep when sharing a bed with a complete stranger. 

“So,” Ronan broke the silence, “what did you want to talk about?” 

“If I tell you I need you to promise that you’ll believe me. I’m not making this up, I need your help, and I’m freaking the fuck out.” 

“Alright, I promise.” 

“It was my birthday, right? It was a totally normal day, but I didn’t hear from anyone. Not you, or Gansey, or even Blue. I biked to work, the guys there wished me a happy birthday. And then I get home, still nothing. And — I don’t want to be peeved at little things but it _was_ my 18th birthday and none of my friends called or came over to wish me a happy birthday. Like, what the hell? Anyways, I go to bed and the next morning I wake up to some supermodel blow drying her hair. I don’t know what happened, I don’t know where I am, or _who_ I am!” 

Ronan stayed silent through Adam’s outburst. 

“Did I get into some car accident that wiped my memory? I just want answers. Please, you’re my best friend.” Adam dropped his hand to the table which slightly brushed against Ronan’s. 

“Listen, Parrish, this was 12 years ago. I can’t remember exactly what I was doing that I missed your birthday, but I know you didn’t get into some accident that caused long term brain damage. We graduated, well, you and Gansey did, then you got accepted to Harvard on a full scholarship, said you’d stay in touch and you never did. I only hear about you from what Gansey has to say. We’re not friends anymore, Adam.” 

“Don’t say that.” He said quietly as he started breathing heavy. 

“I’m sorry but it’s the truth.” 

Adam swallowed hard and fanned himself as he felt he was overheating. “Are you okay? Can I get you something?”

“Water.” He said quietly as Ronan continued staring at him. “Get me a water!” He shouted which caused everyone in the cafe to look over at their table. 

They decided to get some air in hopes that Adam would calm down. Ronan was holding the cup of water for him, handing it to him every time he wanted a sip, then taking it back when Adam shoved it at him. They walked towards Adam’s apartment and stopped to point it out. 

“That’s where I live.” 

“Shit, really? I don’t know why you’re complaining, Parrish. It seems like you have a pretty nice life.” 

“But it’s not _mine._ I don’t know who this” he waved his arms up and down his body, “is.” 

“You’re Adam Parrish, business extraordinaire. The smartest person I know. I would be proud of what you’ve achieved.” 

Adam sat on the bench outside his building and put his head in his hands. “You don’t get it.” Ronan slowly sat next to him, carefully watching. “All I wanted was to spend my birthday with you, I made one wish and now I’m a stranger to myself. You said it, we're not friends.” 

“What wish did you make?” Ronan sounded urgent. 

“Just that I wished that I had my shit together. That I was older.” He thought about it. “That I was thirty.” Adam’s eyes looked like they could pop out of his head at the revelation. “No way. No fucking way that _that_ worked.”

“Where did you make this wish?” Ronan was standing now. 

“At Boyd’s. On my lunch break. The guys got me a donut and they stuck a candle in it.” 

“Okay, so we go back to Henrietta and get a donut and some candles, you wish that you were 18 again — problem solved.” 

“Do you really think that will work?” 

“None of this sounds real, why not try it?”

Adam stood and started to pace from his wandering mind. “I guess I could fly down, ask to see Boyd, and try it out. God, I don’t even know if Boyd’s is still open.”

“It is.” Ronan told him. “I take the BMW there.”

“Still?” Adam looked pleased. 

“I just thought since you always did a good job with it that quality of work must be built into that place.”

“Yeah right. I just know a lot about cars.” For the first time he felt safe, like he was being his true self for someone. “I can try to get a flight down tomorrow.” 

“Tomorrow? No, you can’t.” Ronan told him. 

“Why not?”

“I’m going to be in New York for the rest of the week. You can’t go and do this without me.” Adam raised an eyebrow at him. “You were the one to involve me in this. I said I was helping, let me help.” 

“Ronan, I think I’ve asked you for more than enough help.” 

“Please.” Adam didn’t want to say that he was begging, but he’d never seen this from Ronan before. 

“Okay. I’ll wait for you.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for being mia with this story. Now with being in quarantine I have more time to write. I hope everyone is staying safe xx

**Author's Note:**

> hi not sure how long this will be or when it will be updated but thank you for reading :)


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